(Source: Psychology Today)
Survivor’s Guilt (or survivor guilt) is the experience of psychological distress due to surviving or escaping a situation relatively unharmed or unaffected, as compared to others. When one emerges relatively unharmed from an accident, conflict, or pandemic, for example, while others have died or experienced significant loss, a person may experience survivor’s guilt, despite bearing no responsibility for the outcomes that occurred.
Why Survivors Feel Guilt
Disasters are arbitrary. A tornado can destroy one family’s home and leave another across the street intact. A mass shooting can leave one person critically injured and someone next to them unscathed. A layoff could wipe out a department but still leave a few workers standing. Such scenarios are difficult for people to make sense of, and their empathy or underlying personality states or traits may make them feel like they did not deserve to be spared.
What are the symptoms of survivor’s guilt?
Survivor guilt is not a recognized clinical diagnosis, but the experience is common and often requires treatment. Someone living with survivor’s guilt may feel the same things as people facing other forms of guilt: numbness, disconnection, shame, sadness, headaches, trouble sleeping, and social disconnection. Some research suggests that people with a history of depression or low self-esteem may be more prone to survivor guilt than others.
An individual may feel that they can never do enough to help others who were touched by a disaster, thereby compounding their guilt. Sometimes, instead of helping at all, their guilt leads them to withdraw from their community and even their close social circle.
How to Deal With Survivor’s Guilt
Guilt is a normal reaction to surviving a disaster that may have ruined many other lives. Understanding that is a crucial first step to moving past those feelings.
Why is survivor guilt hard to overcome?
Irrational notions like survivor guilt can be particularly challenging to overcome, especially when they become a part of someone’s identity. Those living with survivor guilt may be convinced that their actions led to the suffering of others, that they could or should have done something to rescue those who died or suffered.
How can someone overcome survivor’s guilt?
Taking time to grieve the loss of life or property is an important first step. Along with that, maintaining one’s physical health, especially positive diet and sleep habits, is vital. Taking positive action, particularly to help others touched by the traumatic event they survived, reportedly helps some people feel that they are of service and reminds them that their life has value. Writing about one’s experience in a journal has also been found to help some survivors move forward. When strong feelings of guilt linger for weeks without easing, an individual should consider talking to a mental health professional.
Here are some coping tips if you or someone you know is experiencing survivor’s guilt:
• Give yourself time to grieve.
• Consider thinking about who was really responsible, if anyone.
• Remember to take care of yourself physically and psychologically.
• Think about what those who are close to you are feeling about the situation.
• Remind yourself that you were given the gift of survival and feel good about it.
• Try to be of service to someone or something.
• Remind yourself that you’re not alone.
• Be patient.
• Share your feelings with those you trust.
• Try to stick to a daily routine.
• Consider journaling your feelings.
• Get professional help, as needed.